I don't think I realized how doing this challenge would make the people I'm closest to feel. I probably just assumed like the incredible response I've been receiving from all of you...that the people I'm closest to would feel the same way. But yesterday, I realized I was wrong.
I had a heart-to-heart discussion with a friend about how she hasn't been reading my posts. She revealed that she is turned off by the idea of "sharing" so much of myself to the public; she'd rather keep those things private and thus, couldn't really understand why I would be doing this. I immediately struck back in rage. Now, this is a BIG trigger for me: feeling misunderstood; unseen as my whole self. It's probably the main reason why I feel so compelled to share my journey; to love all the parts of me: the vulnerable; the silly; the fun; the emotional...everything. So, my anger wasn't just about her not understanding; it was directed at everyone in my life - past and present - who I've felt this from. But I also knew that this "pattern" was showing up in my life again because I needed to learn something.
So, once I calmed down...I really tried to listen to her. I really tried to see it through her eyes, which is a very hard thing to do when your ego wants to keep throwing a fit. She insisted she loves me and all the parts of me...she made it clear she still wanted to know about these stories but just on a personal, one-to-one level. She made it clear that she's happy that I'm doing this even if she can't get behind the way in which I'm sharing. I wasn't able to process it all in the moment, but I just kept repeating: I hear you...I hear you.
It wasn't until this morning, that I had an epiphany. Everyone is on their own journey; their own path of self-discovery and I can't fault someone or make them wrong for not being on mine. And why do I need to be understood by everyone anyway? Can't I love someone and be loved by someone even though we're not necessarily on the same path? Isn't that what real love is? And just like that... another wall was broken down.
#thisismyforty #friends#love #grateful
These blog posts are part of my #40daysoffearlessacts Challenge. When I turned Forty on June 6th of this year, I decided to STEP-UP my life and created a "40 Days of Fearless Acts" challenge. Follow along as I step out of my comfort zone, do things that scare me, that I've never done before and/or are just plain silly and make me laugh!